I had lots of time to reflect about mothers on Mother’s Day this year. I spent a good deal of the day painting redwood stain onto a fort/ swingset which we bought used from craigslist. Because this was a playset which spent 5 years taken apart on the ground, we had to replace many of the boards. My husband and son spent much of the day together sawing and drilling and fastening screws, while I was away on the driveway painting the roof of this huge fort. And even when I was in the yard with everyone, painting the structure, I was separated by wet paint.
And Danny was not my prime responsibility today, so I got to watch and think and enjoy the beautiful day with much less interruption than usual. I spent a lovey time after lunch with Danny sitting on my lap drawing pictures of “scary monsters” and me sort of reading the paper. Danny doesn’t often sit on my lap for such a long time and I was really enjoying him sitting there and showing me his drawings.
I thought about his birth mother. I though she might have enjoyed this mother-son time together sitting and laughing over monster drawings. She didn’t get woken up today with a balloon which said “Love You Mom” and a little 3 year old who said. “I love you, Mommy” and “Can I share your balloon?”
I don’t know anything about Danny’s birth mother. I can only speculate. I originally thought I’m sure it was very hard to give up her child. But I don’t know, maybe it was a relief since she wanted him to have a family and she couldn’t supply that care. She obviously wanted this little boy to find a family, even if it wasn’t his birth family. She may have been worried about having enough to feed him or because he was sick, having enough money to pay for doctor’s bills and medicine.
I see Danny running around the backyard of this suburban Washington, DC home and I then thought about what his life would have been like in Vietnam. He lived in a rural province and if he was still there, would he be running around with the chickens in a backyard? Would he even have survived his sicknesses when he was born? Maybe that was his birth mother’s main concern. Maybe she had enough love to give him, but not enough money and time to get him the medical care he needed.
Wikipedia has an entry on Mother’s day, there was no listing for Vietnam. So maybe there is no selected day devoted to mothers. Danny’s birth mother may think about him every day, or only on his birthday.
When he is older, will Danny wonder what life would have been like in Vietnam? He may come to realize that maybe it was a good thing to be adopted. Danny continues to get lots of medical and developmental intervention. He will be getting hearing aids next week due to some high frequency hearing loss. Although we have known of the hearing loss since he was 12 months old, it wasn’t until this year with a combination of his audiological results and a report from his speech language therapist that the audiologist decided it is time for hearing aids. Since the Vietnamese language is tonal, would he have been able to master it with hearing loss and no high tech hearing aids? This summer, Montgomery County Public Schools is supplying a teacher of deaf and hard of hearing children to give Danny (and his family) every chance to adjust to wearing hearing aids before the school year starts. The school system is also going to help his preschool teacher with dealing with a child with hearing aids.
Is Danny a “Lucky Boy”? He will have to decide. I know I am a lucky parent to have such a delightful little boy who doesn’t let anything stop him.